In the End

It’s Sunday night, and another weekend has come and gone. This weekend was mildly productive. I was able to get caught up on my sleeping. I’m feeling much better already. I was able to check off a few items from my to-do-list that I had been putting off, namely filing our taxes, getting the car’s oil changed, and balancing our home budget. On top of all that I finally got around to watching last week’s episode of The Walking Dead. Man, Negan is one brutal S.O.B.

Friday, my mother, sister, and I went to visit a dying relative. She was someone that I haven’t seen since before Denice and I were married. It’s scary how much a decade of time can ravage someone when they are already old. This lady was someone who was in my life in my early childhood and was always kind to me. She has always been a force of stability for those around her, even to this day. It’s going to be a sad day, for many people, when she passes. From her appearance, I would have to say that she doesn’t have much time left.

I haven’t been around many people who are right on death’s door. It’s an unsettling experience. My relative, who I will call Aunt B, is eighty-five years old and  has a mild case of dementia. She was very frail looking, almost skeletal, and could only stay awake for a few seconds at a time. Those were the least of her problems. She had recently developed a blood clot that had cut off circulation to one of her legs. The doctors had opted to send her home to die in peace, instead of attempt amputation, since she would probably not survive the surgery. Her foot was uncovered when I arrived. It was dark purple, basically dead. It looked so bad that I immediately had an emotional reaction, and almost teared up. It just hit me all of the sudden that she was indeed at the very end of her life. I had a flood of memories from my childhood overtake me, and had a terrible time keeping my composure.

It’s an event like this that will put everything in perspective. Life is short, too short. In the end, most of the shit that we are so preoccupied with during our lives just doesn’t matter. The only thing that will matter is do you have people around you who love you and that you love, people who’s lives you made an impact on? Aunt B made an impact in my life, and she will be missed. I can only hope, no, can only aspire to be the kind of person who will be greatly missed when I am gone. In the end, we all die, but I want to truly live in the meantime.

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